Doris Wilding knows what she wants and is sure she'll get it.

Cool without being cold, self assured without being cocky, warm without being overly friendly, with a cameo face and slender figure she radiates confidence. She had made up her mind she would be SBG president before matriculating at Gallaudet.

But behind this facade of professional competence, she is still something of a small town girl thrilled to be in the big city in the center of the action. Doris wants to be a professional woman, a traditional wife and a good mother in that order. It's a good bet she will.

I'm a small town girl. I grew up in a small town in Idaho called Gooding, and I grew up in a large Mormon family of nine children--four boys and five girls. I'm second oldest. My oldest sister is 24 and the last girl is four. Both my parents are deaf and all my brothers and sisters are hearing impaired. Some of us benefit from hearing aids and some don't. We have a normal family life since all of us share the deafness.

We've had different kinds of education. Some of us grew up in the Idaho School for the Deaf which is located at Gooding. Some of us went part time, some of us went to hearing schools. I think it's too bad that the deaf school wasn't able to meet each of our needs so that all of us could've gone to the school for the deaf. The Idaho School for the Deaf couldn't meet all our needs because it's so small. I understand this is now a common problem across the U.S.

I think that deaf children of deaf parents tend to be more assertive than deaf children of hearing parents, who are used to just sitting passively. I'm not saying that deaf children of deaf parents are better than deaf children with hearing parents; it's just that they have different backgrounds and that has an influence on their lives. It impacts on their education. The background of the family is very important for success.

My father is a teacher at the School for the Deaf. He teaches science and physical education and coaches track and basketball. He teaches sign language and also teaches in the seminary at church every weekday morning. He graduated from Gallaudet in 1960 in the same class as my mother. My mother graduated with an AA degree and my father had a BA. My father's BA was in education.

I think my family life has been very normal because we're all the same, we're all deaf. About the only difference I noticed while growing up was that up until the age--I believe it was 14--we didn't have a telephone. So very often my mother would go to a neighbor's--a next door neighbor--to have them call for us. Then we got our own telephone and me and another sister who had some residual hearing were able to interpret some phone calls, but not all. If it was a very important phone call, my mother would still use a neighbor. Then we got a TTY, and, finally, the deaf message relay service, which we still use. It's a great convenience.

We got along well with our neighbors. I imagine they must have wondered at the fact that we were all deaf and probably talked about it to each other, but I don't remember them ever talking about it to me. They respected my parents. There were several families in the neighborhood who had deaf children. As I grew up, I played with them but when I got old enough for high school they moved away. Really, my family was always very close, and still is, and there were so many of us, we kept ourselves busy with each other. Looking back, I'd much rather be part of a big family than an only child.

I started at the school for the deaf at the age of three and continued there until I was five, then I was sent to a hearing school, the second grade. I continued at the hearing school until 6th grade. I didn't have any interpreters but I was able to get along fairly well, got good grades and everything. I did try to flunk sixth grade so that I would be able to go back to the deaf school. I really wanted to go back. Well, I didn't fail the sixth grade but, nonetheless, I got my way and went back to the residential school. I stayed there for three years, until I was a freshman in high school. I was going to the hearing high school in the morning and to the deaf school in the afternoon. Then in my junior and senior year, I went full time to the hearing school.

I went straight from the sixth grade into high school at the school for the deaf and I was only 11 years old. At that time, I thought it was great but looking back, I can see that it's not really the best exposure for an 11-year-old to be around 18-year-old kids. My oldest sister, Minnie Mae, was only nine when she was transferred to the high school department. I can see how that really had an effect on the way she grew up and on her personality. Even though we came from the same family, her experience was different from mine.

In my freshman and sophomore years, one deaf girl was able to come with me to the public school but in my junior and senior years, I was alone. I did, however, have an interpreter during those final two years. I felt that I couldn't get along without an interpreter in high school. There were too many students and the teachers weren't able to give us as much attention as they did in the elementary school. I graduated in 1981 from Gooding High School and then I went to Finland for one year as an exchange student. I was sponsored by the Rotary Club.

It was a wonderful experience. I learned what it was like to live with a hearing family. Since all my family is deaf, it was a learning experience. The other family didn't know sign language, but they were able to speak some English and we were able to communicate that way. When I first arrived, I couldn't understand a thing because of their accents. The way they spoke was different and I couldn't lipread them. Then, after working hard, I was surprised that in a few months it got better. As I became used to their speech, I even forgot there was a problem.

It was very different for me to be in Finland. I associated with both hearing and deaf people and they were different from the people I grew up with. After the year, I came back and enrolled at Gallaudet in the fall of '82. I'll graduate this May of '86.

I still keep in touch with the family in Finland. Last Christmas I went back for a one-month vacation and enjoyed it very much. It is interesting that when I first arrived in Finland five years ago, the deaf people there were very warm and welcomed me and really tried to impress me about their country. They would say, "Finland is famous
for . . .," and would feed me all kinds of facts and invite me to all their events. When I returned last month, it was different. I wasn't a guest any more; I felt like I was going back home. They were eager to share gossip with me, to tell me what was going on and a lot of things that had happened over the last four or five years while I was away.

My Finnish sister--not my real sister, but my Finnish sister--was in California as a tutor and nanny for a Finnish family, and I visited her during the spring break. We had a lot of fun. She kept asking me what I had learned during my year in Finland and if it had been worth it. We shared our experiences and points of views. I hope to visit her again this summer and her family will try to come to my wedding if I ever get married.

You probably wonder where I got the money to go to Finland. With so many younger children at home, there was no way my parents could help but I got some help from the Rotary Club and I worked to raise the rest of the money. I grew up very independent. I was about 11 or 12 years old when I started to work. If I wanted to have nice clothes and other things, I couldn't ask my family for money; I worked for it. I would clean people's houses, I'd baby sit. One summer I worked on a farm. I didn't enjoy working on the farm much because I have many allergies and would always be sick. I like the outdoors but the allergies really won't let me enjoy it that much. I had other small jobs. Sometimes I'd make clothes for people. I'd earn money and buy material to make my own clothes. When I got older, I started to save for bigger things. When I was 15, I bought a stereo. I was thrilled. I went on different trips. I enjoyed earning money for myself; I had goals for my money so I worked hard and I'd be able to reward myself. I like to use my money to go places because I learn so much. To meet people, to see places, I really think that's the best way to educate yourself.

I have an 80 or 85 dB loss in both ears. I don't have my hearing aids on right now, but I really like them. I used to have just one aid and I've trained my right ear to use it. I got dual aids last January and I'm not used to having two. It seems very noisy; I hear too many things. But I'm getting used to it and hear and understand more things than before. Now that I'm working in Senator Edward Kennedy's office on Capitol Hill, I'm finding having two aids helps communication and I wear both all the time. And I love music; I can't live without music. (She clenched her hands and shivered slightly to emphasize her pleasure.)

I got to meet Senator Kennedy for the first time last week. He is a very busy man, always on the go, but he took time to chat for a couple of minutes after the introduction.

I got my job at Senator Kennedy's office through the EPOC--that's Gallaudet's Experiential Program Off Campus. I was very excited when I was invited for an interview and really thrilled when I got the job. It's been an exciting experience and I've learned a lot.

Mostly, I do research. My area is higher education and why the costs have risen so quickly. Inflation has increased by 40%, yet the cost of higher education has gone up by 80%, sometimes even 100%. I don't mean just for the deaf, I mean all over the United States and for the hearing, too. So I research the reasons. And there is a higher education authorization act for the upgrading of libraries and other expenses. Now they need to reauthorize the act. Should everything stay the same or should we adjust it? I've researched that. The third area I have researched is related to the Gramm-Rudman-Hollins Act and how it would affect us in our time. Sometimes I answer routine correspondence from people. Since I'll be leaving Gallaudet in a few weeks, I'm now more of an errand girl but that's interesting, too. I've learned my way around the government buildings and the Capitol. There are private tunnels that connect the Capitol and the various Federal buildings. I really like it.

I can talk well. I know that I don't have perfect speech, but I'm not bashful about using my speech when I go to work. I feel good about that. I came from a deaf family, but that doesn't mean I can't talk. Everyone's not the same in a family. It's kind of funny: My oldest sister can talk, but she's shy about using speech. I can talk fairly well; my brother can't and another sister can. It seems to alternate between the children in the family. It's very strange. I feel lucky that I can talk.

I had culture shock when I first arrived at Gallaudet. I'd always envisioned Gallaudet college would be people signing away in ASL and I was surprised to see so many oral deaf students. I'd expected more strong ASL, more loud people, but it wasn't like that at al. There is balance here. I had a big advantage because my sister was a senior when I was a freshman and I could go to her for help. She gave me a lot of good advice. When I first arrived here, I had no money at all, no job or anything, but I was able to borrow money from her until I got a job. I started working right away in my freshman year and have worked ever since. I paid for school myself. I had a scholarship and grants, but I usually had to pay half and they would pay half.

It wasn't until this year that VR helped me. Up until this year, they wouldn't help me because Idaho VR doesn't support out-of-state schools. This year, they helped but it was only $500 for the semester. I didn't mean to say "only." It helps and I appreciate it.

To go back to the culture shock: First, there were the number of oral deaf students and the number of students from mainstream programs. There is a big difference between the students who come from mainstream programs and those who come from residential schools. I hope that Gallaudet will be able to meet the needs of both groups. Students from mainstream programs need help in some areas as do the students from residential schools. I think Gallaudet is good for both groups.

This is my fourth year here and I've noticed the percentage of mainstream students keeps getting larger every year. It's now up to 62% of the student population. The mainstream students who entered Gallaudet with me in 1982 are now mostly part of the "deaf deaf" culture and find it comfortable; but if the percentage of mainstream students gets much bigger, I wonder what will happen.

I understand Gallaudet will admit hearing undergraduate students this fall--up to 8% of the student population. I have some real mixed feelings about that. On the positive side, there is no better place for a hearing person to receive training to become a teacher of the deaf, a counselor or administrator than at Gallaudet. On the negative side, we can be fooled by what seems like a small percentage of hearing students. We may forget to protect what makes this place so unique: that it's especially designed for the deaf. Before you know it, once we get used to having hearing students, then the percentage will start to increase and there will be no end to it. Then how will the unique needs of the deaf be met? What will happen to the deaf culture nurtured at Gallaudet?

You never know. It's not that I feel that the deaf people here will just stand back and let the hearing students take over everything. There are already many hearing students here in graduate programs and interpreter training and it's not a problem. They are nice. No, I don't think that the hearing students will try to take over. Most of the hearing students are very willing to let us run the college the way we've always run it; that's not my big concern. I just wonder what will happen if more and more hearing people become fluent signers, get to know deaf people better and start competing with deaf people for available jobs as teachers, counselors and administrators in programs for the deaf. Hopefully, they won't be competing but will become more comfortable with deafness, more aware of our capabilities and more willing to work with us as equals. It's hard to predict the future.

Really, it goes back to the same ol' thing. There's positive and negative aspects. If the school keeps growing in size, then it will lose that atmosphere of familiarity where everybody knows one another by first name, like it was 20 years ago. Even now, the relationships with people are much more superficial because the school has grown. When Gallaudet becomes a university, there may be less cohesiveness among the students but also more options. Gallaudet has an amazing potential. I just hope that students keep coming to Gallaudet and that the school remains strong.

I'll be leaving Gallaudet soon to compete in the "real world," whatever that is. It's been fun as well as a learning experience to study at Gallaudet, but I'm ready to leave. I know I can compete out there.

I worked at the Gallaudet College Visitor Center for about a year, oh, really, about a year and a half. Quite often I would lead tours of parents who had many concerns about their children coming to Gallaudet. One of the biggest fears that parents expressed was that if their children came to Gallaudet where everybody can sign, they wouldn't be able to make it in the real world. Always in the back of my mind I would be thinking that this is the real world for deaf students because it's at Gallaudet that you can really do things for yourself. You can stand on your own two feet. You can shape your own potential. I don't mean to be critical of people, but they often have a tendency to underestimate our abilities. They're always trying to do things for us. I've had that. Or they'll over-commend us for the easiest little things.

As far as the real world out there goes, working in Senator Kennedy's office opened my eyes. When I first started, I was also SBG president and I was used to running my cabinet; I was the one giving orders. Suddenly, I was a nobody. They would be spending their time teaching me how to run the office Xerox machine and I already knew how to use that. Finally, after a couple of weeks, they gave me a project to do and when they saw I could do it, they started adding on more stuff. I had to prove myself, whereas the other hearing interns didn't have to go through all that. So I know there's a challenge out there and I realize I'll always be having to prove myself. I know it's not an easy world out there. Not at all.

I've always looked to my parents as role models. Both my parents set such a fine example for me. They're both hard workers, good citizens, active church members, supporters of the schools, the foundation of our family. We've always been a very close family and done many things together. They have always been active in the deaf community, not just in our hometown, but in the whole region. And they are teachers. They love to teach deaf students. My older sister, Minnie Mae, has been another role model. She had a big influence on my life at Gallaudet.

Then there is Pat Shores, who was the SBG president three years ago. I'm trying to think of others. Since I'm in the honors program at Gallaudet, I tend to get hearing teachers, which is a disadvantage in the sense of having deaf models to look up [to] and learn from. I didn't have any deaf teachers my freshman year. Let me think about my sophomore year. Oh, how could I forget Mary Malzkuhn! (Bangs her head.) I love her. She's a great model as a deaf woman. She's interested in politics and so am I. I took American government under her and I loved that class. Frances Parsons is another deaf teacher who's been a great role model. One of my future goals is to join the Peace Corps. Frances has been trying to get me to go right away, but I'd rather wait a year or two.

My major is in history and I love to do research. I think to begin with, research would be very satisfying but eventually I would like to get into teaching and one day be an administrator in a school for the deaf.

I enjoy working and studying but I like to have fun, too. We had many good times as a family and when I was in high school, I usually dated hearing boys. When I was in Finland, I had a hearing boyfriend. It wasn't until I came to Gallaudet that I had my first real exposure to dating deaf boys. I've enjoyed it. I've also dated hearing boys while at Gallaudet. Some were from the University of Maryland and some were from my church. There were four or five, well, actually several hearing boys. all this has been social; I'm not ready to get serious. I'm playing the field. I enjoy talking and getting to know a variety of people.

My father has always encouraged me to marry a deaf man. It's not that he discourages me from dating hearing boys, but he says it usually works out better for deaf people to marry other deaf people. But as for myself, I don't know. One thing I do know is that I don't want to marry a hearing man who doesn't sign well or who doesn't understand about deaf culture. There are problems that come with marrying a hearing man. One would be communication with his family. Even though I speak well and I can understand fairly well, I would be lost in a family gathering when people would be sitting around the dinner table laughing about something and I'd be left out. There's no way I can keep up with that kind of conversation. I really dislike being put in that kind of situation. I want someone who can communicate with my family easily so I won't have to interpret all the time. Likewise, I wouldn't want my husband to have to interpret for me when we visited his family.

(Laughs.) What makes you come up with such questions? Well, right now, I don't have a steady boyfriend. If I were to meet a hearing man who had deaf parents, I wouldn't mind something like that. Or maybe I'll just marry a deaf man. When I'm ready and the right guy comes along, I'll let Cupid decide. (Giggles)

What do I see for the future of deaf people and the deaf community? What do I think of mainstreaming, better hearing aids, cochlear implants, technology? Will there even be a deaf community 25 years from now? Well, I think the deaf community will still be here 25 years from now. First of all, I doubt that deafness will ever be eliminated and, second, there are deaf people who are proud of their heritage, who are not afraid to insist on the right to comfortable social communication, who will keep the deaf community going. There will always be people who can't benefit from hearing aids and even if cochlear implants are improved, as is likely, they won't make people 100% hearing. If a person were to get an implant later in life, say past the age of three or four, they will already have started to develop deaf culture. Once a person has gotten past age 15 or 16, it will be very hard to change cultures. For those reasons, I think we will continue to have a deaf community.

It may be smaller; who knows. When we look at what's happened throughout medical history, we can see some patterns. Smallpox was a terrible problem for years and then it was cured. Other diseases come and go. Polio and rubella are on the wane but another disease like rubella may come along and we'll have a greater prevalence of deafness. You have to remember, too, that medical problems aren't the only cause of deafness. Deafness can also come from heredity. I'm not saying that I want to have deaf children, but it could happen. Deaf couples will sometimes have deaf children and hearing people may carry the gene that causes deafness. We'll still be around.

It wouldn't bother me to have deaf children. But I do have one concern: Their education. All over the country, we are seeing dwindling enrollments at the residential schools; mainstreaming is "the thing." The effects of mainstreaming are very noticeable at Gallaudet. After what I've seen and having gone through public shcools myself, I would never want my children to go through a mainstream program.

I can speak from experience because I was mainstreamed and I wasn't very happy about it. I have one younger brother and one younger sister who are currently in mainstream programs. My brother has about the same degree of hearing loss as me, but my sister can hear fairly well. She's eight years old now and gets along fine with the hearing students. It's not much of a problem for her at her age. But as for my brother, he's 11 years old and in the sixth grade and he's going through all kinds of frustration right now. He's going through exactly what I went through and in many ways I can see that it's affecting him negatively. He's not acting like a normal boy. My goal now is to help him get back in the residential school. When I spoke with him recently on the TTY, he told me he really wanted to go back to the residential school because of all the opportunities, like being active in sports. I realize he needs to return to the residential school for more than just the opportunity to play on a sports team. I'll give you an example. At the public school, he was able to get a job working in the cafeteria, serving and washing dishes during lunchtime. When he would tell people about it, he'd make the job sound real good. He'd say that he was saving Mom and Dad money and he would get a free lunch and all that; but I know the real reason he preferred to wash dishes was because if he went outside to play, there wouldn't be anybody with whom he could communicate.

When I see things like that, it really bothers me. (Signing more emphatically. She is angry.) The residential school doesn't want to accept him back. I think that's ridiculous. The whole idea of having a school for the deaf is to serve the needs of all deaf children. they shouldn't be a place to serve the needs of just a selected small group of deaf students; they should serve everybody. I know full and well that some students are able to adjust very well in the mainstream programs. I was able to adjust. But I was also able to adjust very well to the deaf school. If the students have the skills to adjust in mainstream settings, they would be able to adjust in a residential school for the deaf. What's the difference? Why not send them to the residential school? Just because they can adjust to a mainstream program, they take them out of the residential school and that leaves only those students who are more limited and they have little stimulation to advance. It's better to have a mixture of different kinds of deaf students in the same residential school to provide more challenge and stimulation. When the enrollment at a residential school drops so low, the students suffer. It's always better to be in a large school as there's much more variety and more options. There are many advantages in keeping the deaf schools larger: Academically, socially, for exchanging ideas and for competition. When there are so few students, they don't have the opportunity to learn from one another. In a large school, the students have a wider selection of friends and there is more flexibility.

I can imagine how hard it is for parents to have their kids away from home, but they need to consider the long range benefits. There are many benefits from keeping the deaf students together where they can learn from each other rather than having them isolated in different mainstream schools.

Gail Hyde
Project Coordinator, Web Design